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2+2=4. Damn straight. All the time, nigga all the time. Then one day this bitch just flipped the script. 3x+y=what? This bitch is still teaching. Did you know that some of them was letters?!!?
At my lemonade stand I used to give the first glass away free and charge five dollars for the second glass. The refill contained the antidote.
And even if you get shot by a stray bullet, you don't gotta go to no doctor to get it taken out, whoever shot you will take they bullet back! "I believe you have my property!"
Southwest Airlines is like my period: it hurts my back and it's always late.
My legs tired, ain't your legs tired!? His legs ain't Tired! He Just... Tinktinktinktinktinktink, TinktinkTinktinkTinktink!! Just paperclips and Sparks everywhere!
If you were to send a werewolf to the moon, would he be a werewolf permanently?
Twas the night before Thanksgiving. All the food's in the oven. And I'm in the bedroom performin' self lovin'.
You could take Vicodin, step out of the house, onto a freeway, have a truck hit you, and you'd say "My Bad!".
I thought "RV" stood for "Recreational Vehicle." No! It stands for "Ruins Vacations."
Inside every cynical person, there is a disappointed idealist.
What is stand-up comedy?
Stand-up comedy is a performance for a live audience. Usually one or multiple performers called comics or stand-up comedians are speaking directly to their audience. Typically a performer tells a routine of jokes or funny monologue with various stories and anecdotes chained together.
It's not uncommon for acting, pantomime, magic tricks * or singing to be used to increase variety of such performance.
In United Kingdom stand-up comedy began gaining popularity in 18th century and raised many great performers like Arthur Askey, Max Miller and Ken Dodd. The comedians were heavily censored and had to get their act approved and adapted to the censorship.
