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I don't mean to sound bitter, cold, or cruel, but I am, so that's how it comes out.
I do not have a helmet. But this is a wig, so it's a little protective.
Catholic — which I was until I reached the age of reason.
“One thing leads to another”? Not always. Sometimes one thing leads to the same thing. Ask an addict.
I put a dollar in a change machine. Nothing changed.
I am proud to be an American. Because an American can eat anything on the face of this earth as long as he has two pieces of bread.
My father used to beat me with his belt...while it was still on him.
You are human tennis elbow. You are a pizza burn on the roof of the world's mouth. You are the opposite of Batman.
A kiss is like a fight, with mouths.
I don't mean to be gross, but the only time it's good to yell "I have diarrhea" is when you're playing Scrabble because it's worth a shitload of points.
What is stand-up comedy?
Stand-up comedy is a performance for a live audience. Usually one or multiple performers called comics or stand-up comedians are speaking directly to their audience. Typically a performer tells a routine of jokes or funny monologue with various stories and anecdotes chained together.
It's not uncommon for acting, pantomime, magic tricks * or singing to be used to increase variety of such performance.
In United Kingdom stand-up comedy began gaining popularity in 18th century and raised many great performers like Arthur Askey, Max Miller and Ken Dodd. The comedians were heavily censored and had to get their act approved and adapted to the censorship.
