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I mean, they don't grade fathers. But if your daughter's a stripper, you fucked up.
Until Ace Ventura, no actor had considered talking through his ass.
I am a Catholic. Basically, the Catholic religion is 'If it feels good -- stop.'
Racism isn't born, folks, it's taught. I have a two-year-old son. You know what he hates? Naps! End of list.
Saying 'I'm sorry' is the same as saying 'I apologize.' Except at a funeral.
So I'm at the office, I tell this guy...Pass me the stapler, but when you pass it, make sure staples are in it, because if it isn't, I can't staple anythin'.
Hey, maybe I'll give you a call sometime. Your number still 911? Aaaalrighty then.
Swimming is good for you, especially if you're drowning. Not only do you get a cardiovascular workout but also you don't die.
When you have a fat friend there are no see-saws, only catapults.
My mother tried to kill me when I was a baby. She denied it. She said she thought the plastic bag would keep me fresh.
What is stand-up comedy?
Stand-up comedy is a performance for a live audience. Usually one or multiple performers called comics or stand-up comedians are speaking directly to their audience. Typically a performer tells a routine of jokes or funny monologue with various stories and anecdotes chained together.
It's not uncommon for acting, pantomime, magic tricks * or singing to be used to increase variety of such performance.
In United Kingdom stand-up comedy began gaining popularity in 18th century and raised many great performers like Arthur Askey, Max Miller and Ken Dodd. The comedians were heavily censored and had to get their act approved and adapted to the censorship.
