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I got a safe full of cherries ‘cause I pop it and lock it.
The greatest thing you can do is suprise yourself.
Remember what the Bible says: He who is without sin, cast the first rock. And I shall smoketh it.
You ever hear girls say that? "I'm not religious, but I'm spiritual." I like to reply with "I'm not honest, but you're interesting!"
I saw on HBO they were advertising a boxing match "It's a fight to the finish". That's a good place to end.
The 50-50-90 rule: Anytime you have a 50-50 chance of getting something right, there's a 90% probability you'll get it wrong.
A bookstore is one of the only pieces of evidence we have that people are still thinking.
Politics: “Poli” a Latin word meaning “many”; and "tics" meaning “bloodsucking creatures”.
There's a thin line between to laugh with and to laugh at.
I feel stupid when I write the word banana. Its like, how many na's are on this thing? "Cause I'm like 'Bana... keep going. Bananana... damn."
What is stand-up comedy?
Stand-up comedy is a performance for a live audience. Usually one or multiple performers called comics or stand-up comedians are speaking directly to their audience. Typically a performer tells a routine of jokes or funny monologue with various stories and anecdotes chained together.
It's not uncommon for acting, pantomime, magic tricks * or singing to be used to increase variety of such performance.
In United Kingdom stand-up comedy began gaining popularity in 18th century and raised many great performers like Arthur Askey, Max Miller and Ken Dodd. The comedians were heavily censored and had to get their act approved and adapted to the censorship.
