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Best short quotes
One night she told me to put out the garbage. I told her "you cooked it, you take it out".
Ain't noone ever overdosed on weed. You might think that nigga is dead, but he ain't dead. He's gonna wake up in half an hour, and eat eve-erything.
There are two kinds of people I don't trust: people who don't drink and people who collect stickers.
What's a bag of chips divided by five, that's a Nike worker's meal.
Canoe + waterfall = I don't go camping anymore.
Why do we always have the wrong number? You might have the wrong fucking house!
Boxers don't have sex before a fight, do you know why that is? They don't fancy each other.
You don't appreciate a lot of stuff in school until you get older. Little things like being spanked every day by a middle-aged woman: Stuff you pay good money for in later life.
I wonder if in 2050 there will be a movie called, 'Dude, Where's My Spaceship.'
Life doesn't imitate art, it imitates bad television.
What is stand-up comedy?
Stand-up comedy is a performance for a live audience. Usually one or multiple performers called comics or stand-up comedians are speaking directly to their audience. Typically a performer tells a routine of jokes or funny monologue with various stories and anecdotes chained together.
It's not uncommon for acting, pantomime, magic tricks * or singing to be used to increase variety of such performance.
In United Kingdom stand-up comedy began gaining popularity in 18th century and raised many great performers like Arthur Askey, Max Miller and Ken Dodd. The comedians were heavily censored and had to get their act approved and adapted to the censorship.
