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Everyone has favorite criminals. Mine are pimps. We can all rob a bank; we can all sell drugs. Being a pimp is a whole other thing.
Then Jasper said "Look here, nigger, if anyone's gonna have sex with my sister, it's gonna be me."
Did you poop a virgin? ‘Cause that shit is tight.
Chicks named Tammy have a greater chance of actually driving a Mercedes than a chick named Mercedes.
Quotes are for dumb people who can't think of something intelligent to say on their own.
Who are them blokes, the jockeys? Who are they, three foot high fucking hobbits in a pimps outift!
One night she told me to put out the garbage. I told her "you cooked it, you take it out".
So I'm at the office, I tell this guy...Pass me the stapler, but when you pass it, make sure staples are in it, because if it isn't, I can't staple anythin'.
I worry about ridiculous things, you know, how does a guy who drives a snowplough get to work in the morning. . . . That can keep me awake for days..
I don't want want to go to jail, I'm fragile.
What is stand-up comedy?
Stand-up comedy is a performance for a live audience. Usually one or multiple performers called comics or stand-up comedians are speaking directly to their audience. Typically a performer tells a routine of jokes or funny monologue with various stories and anecdotes chained together.
It's not uncommon for acting, pantomime, magic tricks * or singing to be used to increase variety of such performance.
In United Kingdom stand-up comedy began gaining popularity in 18th century and raised many great performers like Arthur Askey, Max Miller and Ken Dodd. The comedians were heavily censored and had to get their act approved and adapted to the censorship.
