Quotes
What's right is what's left if you do everything else wrong.
The only people flying to Europe will be terrorists, so it will be, "Will you be sitting in armed or unarmed?"
When in doubt, go for the dick joke.
We had gay burglars the other night. They broke in and rearranged the furniture.
I’m looking for Miss Right, or at least Miss Right Now.
People say satire is dead. It's not dead; it's alive and living in the White House.
Never pick a fight with an ugly person, they've got nothing to lose.
I like my wine like my women - ready to pass out.
Do you think God gets stoned? I think so... look at the platypus.
Ah, yes, divorce... from the Latin word meaning to rip out a man's genitals through his wallet.
Cocaine is God's way of saying you're making too much money.
God gave men both a penis and a brain, but unfortunately not enough blood supply to run both at the same time.